hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
