Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
