i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
