guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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