just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this boner is exhausting
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
whose parrot is this?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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