im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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