Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
