Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
