oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
