So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize