.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
