"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
