So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
