I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
