If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
