what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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