What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize