I can tuck mytits in my pants
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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