Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
