so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
