You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
