I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
