Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize