Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
