You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
