My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
