I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
