I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Found your dick twin last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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