so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize