He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
