It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
