I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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