Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
