I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
