my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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