Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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