I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
