Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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