I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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