Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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