if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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