I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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