is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
