It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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