It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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