Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
