She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
