Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
