I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
