watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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