I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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