So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
