Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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