Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
