I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
