I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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