When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
