Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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