That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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