Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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