Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
