Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
