i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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