Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
