I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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