dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize