When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
