haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
