I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
