I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
