WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
