Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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