I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Houston, we have a blender
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
