Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
