so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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